Call witness protection! My cover’s been blown. I knew it would happen eventually, but I thought…I just thought I had more time! Sigh…I guess it’s all out in the open now…My girlfriend’s on Twitter. If you need me, I’ll be posting sepia pictures of staircases over on Instagram until she ruins that for me [...]
Tag Archives: jokes
CAREER CHANGE: How to become a superhero
Do you remember when you finished college? You had all these dreams, bro! Those dreams seemed so real as you smiled for photos with grandma and your folks. You had the world ahead of you as you blew the tassel out of your eye and tried to maintain your equilibrium even though you and [...]
WHAT DOES YOUR HAIR SAY ABOUT YOU? (part 1: for the ladies)
Is your girlfriend on your case about a bad haircut? Is she frustrated that you don’t look like Brad Pitt? Before you answer, there are two things you should know: A. I’m talking Meet Joe Black Brad Pitt, not hipster husband who looks homeless Brad Pitt. B. She’s NEVER going to like your hair [...]
The 10 People at Every Gym
When I go to the gym, I expect to leave a little sore, but I always wind up going home exhausted…it takes a lot of work to keep from laughing at you guys. The gym is my favorite venue for people watching. Even better than the bus station at 3rd and Pike, but to [...]
What his Valentines Day gift means…and what she THINKS it means
Oh no! You TOTALLY forgot Valentine’s Day! Oh right…never mind: I just realized that this isn’t EVERY commercial you’ve seen over the past two weeks mocking guys for constantly forgetting Valentine’s Day and thus making it impossible to ACTUALLY forget Valentine’s Day. Ladies: No guy with a TV actually FORGETS Valentine’s Day. He just [...]
10 Things in His Apartment He’s Not Ready to Give Up
I still remember the day that Lil Brittany broke my lil heart. I sat in my room for hours, just playing with my Legos. I built an M-Tron space station and a Blacktron battleship and had a massive Lego war right there next to my bunk bed. It’s what kept me from going crazy [...]
10 Things in Every Girl’s Apartment (you know…for when you realize you have nothing in common)
The other night, I was texting the score of a basketball game to a buddy because he was on a date and apparently didn’t want her to know that she’ll always come second to UW basketball. He was over at this young lady’s house for dinner & a movie. I would presume from the [...]
11 reasons ROBOTS should scare you more than ZOMBIES
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that I’m not afraid of zombies…anymore. I’ve spent the majority of my life over the last several years putting together my game plan for the zombie apocalypse, and yesterday I finally realized what a waste of time this is. “Finally Kevin. It’s about time [...]
5 WAYS TO RUIN YOUR FRIEND’S SUPER BOWL PARTY
Back when I still had hopes and dreams, I was a sports writer for a few different newspapers…but like the rest of America, I grew up. Now I read my sports news on the internet. Don’t get me wrong, we still get The Sunday Seattle Times, but I pretty much just use it to [...]
Black History Month
I wrote this strip with my buddy Tim, who’s a stand up comic in Las Vegas, and more importantly…a black guy who wants you to be afraid of him again.