A recent study posits that 92% of you don’t like your jobs. The study goes even further to conclude that 42% of you actually HATE your jobs. Now, I have some theories as to how they came up with these numbers: They took a look at the time you all spend on Facebook each [...]
Tag Archives: funny
“STOP HITTING ON ME! Wait, where are you going?” – Girls
Look at you…pigs. ALL OF YOU! Out at the bars, trying to pick up broads like…LIKE THEY’RE PIECES OF MEAT! Women aren’t pieces of meat …and frankly I’m disgusted that guys keep treating them like they are. No, if these chicks are any kind of inanimate, digestible object, they’re obviously popcorn kernels: sure, each [...]
JUST FOR TODAY, LIVE LIFE ACCORDING TO SITCOM RULES
Last night, I was sitting on my favorite plush couch in my trendy local coffee shop with six of my super attractive best friends. We were talking about my need to constantly be sarcastic, but somehow we changed topics and wound up in a heated debate about Monica’s date with the “Paul the Wine [...]
Guys, are you badass enough for marriage? Probably not.
It’s almost that time of year. The days are getting warmer…the sun dresses are getting shorter…R. Kelly just dropped a new album. This can only mean one thing: It’s wedding season! Oh, I’m sorry…you DON’T equate R. Kelly with wedding season? You apparently don’t have as many friends as I do who met their [...]
CAREER CHANGE: How to become a superhero
Do you remember when you finished college? You had all these dreams, bro! Those dreams seemed so real as you smiled for photos with grandma and your folks. You had the world ahead of you as you blew the tassel out of your eye and tried to maintain your equilibrium even though you and [...]
NERDOUT: XBox 360 vs. PS3
I’m going through some really serious internal turmoil today, you guys. It’s been a tough morning. I pulled out a lot of my hair, chewed all my nails off and am developing a pretty serious ulcer. …I can’t figure out if I should get a PS3 or an Xbox 360. And before you say [...]
What his Valentines Day gift means…and what she THINKS it means
Oh no! You TOTALLY forgot Valentine’s Day! Oh right…never mind: I just realized that this isn’t EVERY commercial you’ve seen over the past two weeks mocking guys for constantly forgetting Valentine’s Day and thus making it impossible to ACTUALLY forget Valentine’s Day. Ladies: No guy with a TV actually FORGETS Valentine’s Day. He just [...]
10 Things in His Apartment He’s Not Ready to Give Up
I still remember the day that Lil Brittany broke my lil heart. I sat in my room for hours, just playing with my Legos. I built an M-Tron space station and a Blacktron battleship and had a massive Lego war right there next to my bunk bed. It’s what kept me from going crazy [...]
5 ways my gay friends had BETTER protect the sanctity of marriage
Nice job, local gays. You did it! You officially RUINED the sanctity of marriage! The fabric of American life! The [Insert other extremist propaganda here if you don’t get the point yet]! For those of you who don’t live in Seattle…or read any of the national news…The Washington State Senate officially declared WAR on [...]
What Would “13-year-old” You Ask “Grown Up” You?
Yesterday I watched Back II The Future 2 and Back II The Future 3. I skipped right over the first one. Usually it’s my favorite, but I’m developing a theory that Marty McFly is his own father. I mean, he looks EXACTLY like himself, and we don’t know that he DIDN’T get busy with his mom when [...]
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KevinSaysThings Kevin ShivelyCombing through readings about love for the wedding. Its making me emotional...turns out I fucking hate the majority of readings about love.