You know how life is basically just partying and free food and playing Frisbee and hookin up with gorgeous chicks that have no standards or inhibitions and how we’re all gonna live forever? If you just said “Of course not and that reminds me that I should balance my checkbook instead of having sex with [...]
Tag Archives: comedy
Unemployment Means More Time to be Sexy
I quit my job yesterday. Not because it was a bad job. It’s actually a really good job…for someone else. And not because I disliked my coworkers…Well, except you SHEILA. I quit because working in a cubicle for a giant corporation was sucking my soul out through my headset and I was worried it would [...]
Do I help you TOO much or just enough?
Guys, I had a traumatic revelation this weekend, and I feel like I need to sit you down and have a talk with each of you…like a father figure who lost his temper for the first time and is explaining to the kids that he was yelling because the Seahawks lost, not because he doesn’t [...]
IS SHE CRAZY? (answer: probably)
I’d like to switch things up a little today and tell you a story. This morning, while riding up to my office, two girls got on the elevator in the middle of their conversation. They were cute, so naturally my ears perked up, and the first thing I heard was “I’m just sick of his [...]
Maxed Out: Enough with the gym fellas
Remember when men were men? They were strong from building things and fighting wars and eating giant legs of mutton off the bone? What happened to all the MEN? Am I right ladies? It must be so hard to find a good one. Okay enough of this touchy feely crap. In fact, THAT’S the problem [...]
I’m gonna help you score mad chicks, bro!
You know what women like? A sense of humor. That’s what Cosmo says. The No. 1 thing women want is a sense of humor. Sure…if you’re awesome at it like me. But some of you aren’t as good at being funny, you need a back-up plan. So here’s a helpful list of other things you [...]