Oh no! You TOTALLY forgot Valentine’s Day! Oh right…never mind: I just realized that this isn’t EVERY commercial you’ve seen over the past two weeks mocking guys for constantly forgetting Valentine’s Day and thus making it impossible to ACTUALLY forget Valentine’s Day. Ladies: No guy with a TV actually FORGETS Valentine’s Day. He just [...]
Tag Archives: comedy
10 Things in His Apartment He’s Not Ready to Give Up
I still remember the day that Lil Brittany broke my lil heart. I sat in my room for hours, just playing with my Legos. I built an M-Tron space station and a Blacktron battleship and had a massive Lego war right there next to my bunk bed. It’s what kept me from going crazy [...]
10 Things in Every Girl’s Apartment (you know…for when you realize you have nothing in common)
The other night, I was texting the score of a basketball game to a buddy because he was on a date and apparently didn’t want her to know that she’ll always come second to UW basketball. He was over at this young lady’s house for dinner & a movie. I would presume from the [...]
What Would “13-year-old” You Ask “Grown Up” You?
Yesterday I watched Back II The Future 2 and Back II The Future 3. I skipped right over the first one. Usually it’s my favorite, but I’m developing a theory that Marty McFly is his own father. I mean, he looks EXACTLY like himself, and we don’t know that he DIDN’T get busy with his mom when [...]
10 Reasons You DIDN’T Land Your Dream Job
It’s hard out here in these streets. You never know when some fool is gonna step up on you and ask you that terrifying question that no one wants to hear: “Why do you think we should hire you?” Oh SNAP! This busta just put you on the SPOT! Interviewing is tough! They ask [...]
BROKE IS THE NEW RICH:how to be awesomely poor
A recent poll that I made up suggests that 98% of Americans have blamed the economy for their bank account balance at least once in the last year. Why is this so common? Because Americans are pussies. Oh snap…did I just offend you? What are you gonna do…leave an angry comment? That’s because you’re a [...]
Are You Picking Up Her Signs?
I sometimes forget how awesome I am…But then I have weeks like this. Some Examples: I smiled at the coffee girl and got a free drink. I’m growing out a beard so there’s even MORE manliness exuding from my pores (which are invisible because my complexion is magnificent). And most importantly: my flat-front, iron-free Dockers [...]
The Ten Most Annoying Texts You Can Get
Last night, a girl I haven’t talked to in a while sent me a text that just said “ ” No words, just a single winky-faced emoticon out of the blue. Luckily for me, I’m a MASTER at reading women, so I knew right away that a solo winky-face means “Delete my number and don’t [...]
Your girlfriend wants to “fix” you…let her.
I wear cardigan sweaters. Argyle ones. There…I said it. That felt good. Why did I feel that was important to tell you? I’ll get to that. Oh! Also important: Sometimes, in the winter, I rock a scarf and a trendy pea coat. I have a decorative globe next to an artsy photograph on my bookshelf [...]
Badass Homes & Gardens
Hey you guys, I’m sorry I haven’t posted anything in the last few days…wait no I’m not. Stop being greedy! I post things all the time so you should have plenty to read! Why have I been distracted? I quit my job, and my employer was nice enough to tell me to kick rocks before [...]