Hello friends, and welcome to the first of many 2012 Presidential Debates. My name is Kevin Shively, and I’ll be your host for the evening. You may have seen me as a guest on such news programs as American News for Americans and The Morning of America, But Not in a Scary Way Like [...]
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How to Successfully Have a “Zack Morris Experience”
Life is full of milestones. Some are of minor importance, like getting your driver’s license, having a child or your first & second marriage. But others? Others are spiritual, mind-altering experiences. Experiences like your first time eating a Paseo sandwich, or watching Empire Strikes Back on the big screen…or the first time you saw [...]
The Poor Are Yucky (and 7 other reasons being a Republican seems neat)
Last week I got caught up in all the hype and the hoopla of the Republican National Convention. Seemed like a ton of fun! Those guys all really have their stuff together don’t they? It got me thinking… I make no attempt to hide my liberal leanings with you guys. I heart Obama. I [...]
10 LESSONS 90s R&B TAUGHT US ABOUT WOMEN
Our education system is crumbling before our eyes and none of us are doing anything about it. Not you, not me, not the president, and especially not MTV. What, did you think I was talking about our schools? Don’t be stupid, schools don’t teach you anything important. When was the last time you used a [...]
“STOP HITTING ON ME! Wait, where are you going?” – Girls
Look at you…pigs. ALL OF YOU! Out at the bars, trying to pick up broads like…LIKE THEY’RE PIECES OF MEAT! Women aren’t pieces of meat …and frankly I’m disgusted that guys keep treating them like they are. No, if these chicks are any kind of inanimate, digestible object, they’re obviously popcorn kernels: sure, each [...]
JUST FOR TODAY, LIVE LIFE ACCORDING TO SITCOM RULES
Last night, I was sitting on my favorite plush couch in my trendy local coffee shop with six of my super attractive best friends. We were talking about my need to constantly be sarcastic, but somehow we changed topics and wound up in a heated debate about Monica’s date with the “Paul the Wine [...]
TIME TO PROPOSE: HERE’S HOW IT COULD BACKFIRE
Welcome back to wedding week! I feel terrible you guys. On Monday, I might have given you some unrealistic advice. I gave you three different examples of proposals you could copy when you tell your special lady you want to love on her for the rest of your life. And then the fictitious and convenient complaints [...]
DON’T BE SELFISH: YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION ISN’T ABOUT YOU
Welcome back to wedding week! It’s August, and if you’re between the ages of 24-35 like my Facebook insight page says you probably are (Facebook never lies), you’re about to go to a shitload of weddings. Yesterday I gave some amazing advice on how to propose to your girl in an awesome way (Summary: [...]
Guys, are you badass enough for marriage? Probably not.
It’s almost that time of year. The days are getting warmer…the sun dresses are getting shorter…R. Kelly just dropped a new album. This can only mean one thing: It’s wedding season! Oh, I’m sorry…you DON’T equate R. Kelly with wedding season? You apparently don’t have as many friends as I do who met their [...]
THE SOCIAL MEDIA DRAFT GUIDE
Call witness protection! My cover’s been blown. I knew it would happen eventually, but I thought…I just thought I had more time! Sigh…I guess it’s all out in the open now…My girlfriend’s on Twitter. If you need me, I’ll be posting sepia pictures of staircases over on Instagram until she ruins that for me [...]
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KevinSaysThings Kevin ShivelyI just said outloud to a real person "hashtag: she loves fat dudes"...I think I need to say 10 Hail Marys and quit my social media job now. -
KevinSaysThings Kevin Shively"Our waitress's dress is very low cut" -Shannon & Carly. "What? what waitress? I didn't even see where these drinks came from" -Me & John