Do you remember when George Lucas made Phantom Menace and how excited and happy it made Star Wars fans? It didn’t? Damn that’s right…Jar Jar Binks. Okay…how bout the latest Indiana Jones? Really? Oh yeah, I forgot about the flying saucer and crystal aliens. How bout the GI Joe movie? Godzilla? Lost in Space? [...]
Archive | March, 2012
I DON’T GET IT! 9 FADS THAT DON’T MAKE SENSE
Alright ladies, don’t get your panties in a bunch… Wait, do panties really get in a bunch? I don’t know how that happens. Boxers get in a bunch sometimes, but they have a lot more fabric and they’re loose and who the hell wears boxers anymore anyway? The other day I wrote a post [...]
WHAT DOES YOUR HAIR SAY ABOUT YOU? (part 1: for the ladies)
Is your girlfriend on your case about a bad haircut? Is she frustrated that you don’t look like Brad Pitt? Before you answer, there are two things you should know: A. I’m talking Meet Joe Black Brad Pitt, not hipster husband who looks homeless Brad Pitt. B. She’s NEVER going to like your hair [...]
6 Lies that all drunks/politicians tell
I don’t claim to be a political satirist. I’m not an expert in the ways of Washington. But if there’s one thing that 5 ½ years of hazy college mistakes, court-imposed AA and a stint as a graveyard taxi driver have taught me? It’s that drunks tell a lot of lies. And if there’s [...]
HOW TO BE AN INTERNET ACTIVIST
Every now and then, we meet someone that changes our lives. Someone who inspires us. Someone who makes us want to be better. …Or at least PRETEND to be better. Last week, every person on the internet started hating Joseph Kony…The revolution took hold because no one had any clue that genocide and child [...]
10 THINGS NO WOMAN SHOULD BE WEARING
Hey you guys, it’s International Women’s Day! Of course, when I say “you guys” I mean it in a gender-neutral, non-sexist way that won’t piss these broads off. Seriously, how touchy are the women in your office today? And I don’t mean touchy like “Hey Jason let me get all touchy by giving you [...]
10 Things No Dude Should Be Wearing
I just moved to Seattle’s Capitol Hill neighborhood. For those of you NOT from Seattle: Capitol Hill is a Mecca for hipsters, hipstettes, gays, lesbians, musicians, artists, people who pretend to be musicians and artists, panhandlers, Sir Mix-a-lot, the Ghost of Christmas Past, Goths, hippies, club kids and of course…guys who pretend to be writers. [...]
She’s NOT out of your league…But mostly because you’re BOTH farm league players
Let’s get this out of the way right now: She’s totally out of your league…WAY too good for you. Do you believe me? If you answered “no” then I’ll assume you bought The Handsome Man’s Guide to Being Handsome and your ego is now inflated to an appropriate level. If you answered “yes” then you need to [...]