Are you ready for Oktoberfest this weekend? A big sweaty tent with thousands of people standing in line for hours to get their $12 beers – even though they’re with girls dressed as beer wenches who aren’t bringing them beer – just so they can stay drunk enough to chicken dance for the 72nd time? [...]
Archive | September, 2011
Six things your coworkers want you to stop talking about
I don’t work in an office. I work in my living room and in trendy coffee shops with overpriced artwork on the walls and hipsters talking about ideas for vegan bakeries. Every now and then I get nostalgic for my cubicle days…Sitting there listening to my co-workers talk while I stare at some client management [...]
Are You Picking Up Her Signs?
I sometimes forget how awesome I am…But then I have weeks like this. Some Examples: I smiled at the coffee girl and got a free drink. I’m growing out a beard so there’s even MORE manliness exuding from my pores (which are invisible because my complexion is magnificent). And most importantly: my flat-front, iron-free Dockers [...]
TV Flashcards: How to never watch “Glee” with your girlfriend
Around this time of year, your summer fling is turning into a relationship. You’re probably starting to feel the pressure of that. Not in a “lets go visit my parents for the weekend” kind of way, but in more of a “Hey we should watch The Sing-Off tonight!” kind of way. In the summer, you [...]
Ex-Games: Which one will she turn into?
It’s come to my attention that in previous posts, I may have unfairly identified several of my ex-girlfriends as “crazy” and that some of them are “offended” by this. Fair point ladies…and perhaps I owe you all an apology, but in my defense…I’m not going to give you one. Why? Because I wasn’t lying. You [...]
The 10 Biggest Game-Killers
The other day I got a text message from a girl that was simply a No words, no human interaction…Just a semicolon followed closely by a closed-parenthesis. Now, I’m a good-lookin dude with SWEET calf muscles, so I understand why you would wink at me, but I’m also a charming, fun and witty conversationalist, and [...]
We should be doing more with blimps
I was just reminded of something that’s very important to me. Something SO important that I decided to postpone today’s topic: “ways girls tell you to come over and take your pants off without actually saying anything dirty”…it’s a working title, but that’s not the point. The point is this: Archer starts tonight. For some [...]
Republican Debate Breakdown: I’m not stupid…YOU’RE stupid
With the entire hullabaloo going on around the GOP debates, it’s hard to watch regular TV. This is so much more entertaining! I tried watching a horror movie the other day and realized that NO monster has ANYTHING on these republicans (except for Glen Rice. He had something ALL up on one of the republicans…yes [...]
If you lie on Facebook, does a tree in the forest hear it?
You’re all liars. How do I know this? Because you’re on Facebook. Facebook is like that popular kid in high school. He’s got all the chicks checkin’ him out, so every time you’re around him, you try to act way cooler than you are. Facebook: What are you up to? You: Just getting ready to [...]
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KevinSaysThings Kevin ShivelyEvery time I go to Ikea, I get the same thing...a reminder of why we use birth control. The barefoot kid in the cutoff slayer shirt sold me. -
KevinSaysThings Kevin Shively"Quote inspirational people if you want more retweets" - Abraham Lincoln
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KevinSaysThings Kevin Shively"Hardware knowledge? Not necessary. But can you be aggressively condescending? Great, I see you have the required GED" -Home Depot Interview